1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,730
{\an8}[Upbeat music playing]

2
00:00:01,930 --> 00:00:05,490
{\an8}[Rafa] So, let me warn you right now.

3
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:08,320
Almost all of these this time
are intimacy related.

4
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:09,780
Okay. Why?

5
00:00:09,980 --> 00:00:12,910
Well, it started
because <i>The incredibles </i>Was on TV,

6
00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:15,330
and uncle rollie said
that the mom was built right

7
00:00:15,530 --> 00:00:18,290
and then they all started talking
about it and you know how it goes.

8
00:00:18,490 --> 00:00:19,490
I got it.

9
00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:22,840
Okay. So, what does
"foreplay of the soul" mean?

10
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,480
Uncle Ryan said that whoever's working
the hardest during sex,

11
00:00:25,660 --> 00:00:26,980
that's where the baby's gonna be?

12
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,590
Uncle rollie said if you have sex,

13
00:00:28,790 --> 00:00:30,680
then the girl can get
on a trampoline afterward.

14
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,890
So, uncle mondo also said
to only have sex during a full moon.

15
00:00:34,090 --> 00:00:36,270
Uncle Mike said
that if the girl's on top during sex,

16
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:39,940
her egg can fall out of her
and into the man and get him pregnant.

17
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:41,410
Uncle rollie said... uncle Mike said...

18
00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:42,870
Uncle Ryan said... uncle Jay said...

19
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:44,450
Uncle rollie said... uncle Ryan said...

20
00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:48,240
Don't go to any of your uncles
about anything intimacy related ever,

21
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:49,650
for the rest of your life.

22
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,920
[Theme music playing]

23
00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:59,460
[Rafa] Where do I see myself in 10 years?

24
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,580
Incredible question,
so thoughtful, thank you for asking.

25
00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:05,590
Well, when my uncle rollie was 26,

26
00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:07,800
he got out of jail early
for good behavior.

27
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,380
And when Mr. Shawn Jay-Z Carter was 26,

28
00:01:10,580 --> 00:01:11,880
he dropped <i>Reasonable doubt.</i>

29
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,070
I'm aiming
for somewhere between those points.

30
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:19,020
Well, that is terrific.

31
00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:21,850
You mentioned you come from struggle,
which they always eat up.

32
00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:24,900
You show you're interested in music
and you're goal-oriented.

33
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,820
- Great college interview answer.
- Cool.

34
00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:30,570
Clean that up, and you've also got
a great start to an essay.

35
00:01:30,770 --> 00:01:32,160
Let's go to the board.

36
00:01:32,350 --> 00:01:35,830
Oh, you, you wanna work on the essay now?

37
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:37,020
[Mary] Yeah.

38
00:01:37,110 --> 00:01:39,750
I know we're running a little over
but I feel like we got momentum.

39
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:43,250
Uh, my friends are riding
a super skateboard

40
00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:45,330
and I'm supposed to meet them at noon.

41
00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:47,390
What's a super skateboard?

42
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,550
It's like a giant piece of plywood.

43
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:52,380
Nail a skateboard to each corner.

44
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:55,140
Bang, super skateboard.

45
00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:57,110
Shouldn't there be a skateboard
in the middle for support?

46
00:01:57,130 --> 00:01:58,530
We're not building
a space shuttle here, rafa.

47
00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:00,490
We're trying to haul ass
down a hill and maybe get hurt.

48
00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:01,510
Yeah.

49
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,240
Meet us after your college class thing.

50
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:04,560
- Okay.
- Do you have a helmet?

51
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,020
- No.
- Good.

52
00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:07,220
Yeah.

53
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,440
Rafa, there are two roads here,

54
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,860
the metaphorical one
that you're on right now,

55
00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:14,820
which probably leads to college,

56
00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:17,280
and the literal one
that your friends are on

57
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,430
which probably leads
to the emergency room.

58
00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:21,970
Which one sounds best?

59
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:25,630
Uh, yeah. Okay.

60
00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:27,270
[Mary] Let's get to work.

61
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,240
[Announcer] <i>Welcome back to broken home.</i>

62
00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:31,890
<i>last week, our hosts, Mario and courtney</i>

63
00:02:31,910 --> 00:02:34,970
<i>were rebuilding a hundred-year old</i>
<i>Craftsman and their marriage.</i>

64
00:02:35,170 --> 00:02:38,140
I have more faith in their marriage.
That craftsman clearly has dry rot.

65
00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:41,720
Hmm, dry rot can be overcome.
Emotional infidelity cannot.

66
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,060
- What'd I miss?
- We're about to get the mold report.

67
00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:46,100
And also, Mario knows about the affair.

68
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,960
[Phone vibrates]

69
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,270
- Pause it.
- Pause yourself.

70
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:51,530
Uh-hmm.

71
00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:52,780
Hi, baby girl.

72
00:02:52,980 --> 00:02:55,280
<i>Hi, daddy.</i>
<i>Can I have money for the ice cream truck?</i>

73
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:56,840
sure. Get some money
out of the money coats.

74
00:02:56,860 --> 00:02:58,870
The petty cash one.

75
00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:00,240
- Money coats?
- Yeah,

76
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,660
I got a whole new financial system.

77
00:03:02,860 --> 00:03:04,330
Checkered for checking,

78
00:03:04,530 --> 00:03:06,750
stripes for savings,

79
00:03:06,950 --> 00:03:09,590
member's only for making mom's
Toyota tercel payments,

80
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:13,440
vest for vacation,
and poncho for petty cash.

81
00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:18,430
Here. Start your own coats.

82
00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:22,560
You gotta stop doing this.
Money belongs in the bank.

83
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,180
No. Banks are scams.

84
00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:26,100
I like my money
in my house where it's safe.

85
00:03:26,180 --> 00:03:29,020
Safe? You buried it
in the backyard and it rotted.

86
00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:31,940
And then you hid it in the attic
and some owls use it to make a nest.

87
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:33,530
Take this somewhere else.

88
00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:35,370
They just found out they have termites
and the affair

89
00:03:35,390 --> 00:03:37,420
Courtney was having
was with the exterminator.

90
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:40,380
Can you open an account
like a normal human being?

91
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,330
Let it go, Ryan.

92
00:03:41,530 --> 00:03:44,260
I'm not taking advice from someone
so young they can't even grow a beard.

93
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,250
A mustache is a beard for the lip.

94
00:03:46,450 --> 00:03:49,330
[Phone vibrates]

95
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:53,750
<i>Hey, did you tell Julissa she could get</i>
<i>Some money from the coat to buy ice cream</i>

96
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:54,950
yes.

97
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,970
[Denise] <i>Well, </i>
<i>She took all the poncho cash</i>

98
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,970
<i>and bought $500 worth of choco tacos.</i>

99
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:03,200
<i>thank you, daddy. Thank you, daddy.</i>
<i>Thank you, daddy. Thank you, daddy.</i>

100
00:04:05,990 --> 00:04:07,230
shut up.

101
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:08,940
Hey guys, wait up.

102
00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:11,020
We did wait for an hour.

103
00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:13,040
I guess you and your coat
were too busy at the news station

104
00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:14,540
getting ready to give the weather.

105
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:19,570
I'm sorry. Ms. Pedraza made me
do extra essay stuff in the college thing.

106
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:22,490
What's your essay about? How
you're gonna be a virgin till you're 50?

107
00:04:22,650 --> 00:04:24,620
"And now for weather, we go to rafa."

108
00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:28,750
"Thanks Miguel, it's looking like
it's gonna be very dry until I'm 50."

109
00:04:28,950 --> 00:04:31,210
You all done?
You get 'em all out?

110
00:04:31,410 --> 00:04:33,500
You need three people
for a super skateboard.

111
00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:35,250
We had to invite Carlos from homeroom.

112
00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:36,260
That dude's cool.

113
00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:37,940
He's already going bald.

114
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:39,880
I thought he cut his hair like that.

115
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,240
No. Bald.

116
00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:43,740
Dude, that sucks.

117
00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:48,730
Harris, your mom wants you
to break down the boxes in the back

118
00:04:48,930 --> 00:04:49,970
and then stock the cooler.

119
00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:53,440
Ugh. When I inherit this place,
I'm getting rid of the cooler.

120
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,030
No more ice.
Catch you guys later.

121
00:04:56,220 --> 00:04:59,150
Abolish ice. Hmm. Get it?

122
00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:00,550
No, nerd.

123
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,030
What is with you today, man?

124
00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:06,330
What's with me? What's with you?

125
00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,200
You've been Mia every weekend.

126
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,280
It's just you and Mrs. Pedraza
writing your book

127
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,100
about what a perfect little boy
you are or whatever.

128
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,390
All right. That, you know that
that's not what we're doing.

129
00:05:14,410 --> 00:05:16,190
I don't know anything.

130
00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:29,120
What are you doing?

131
00:05:32,950 --> 00:05:35,830
Hey, y'all stop right there.

132
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:37,780
Go!

133
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:41,460
I'm calling drea! Oof!

134
00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:45,470
My mom is gonna cut my head off.

135
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:49,330
That's just gonna be her first move.
That's just how she's gonna start.

136
00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:51,220
It's only gonna get worse from there.

137
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:55,880
I can't control my feet.

138
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:59,020
I keep telling them not to walk
to my house and they won't listen.

139
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,720
Why'd you take that candy bar?

140
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,970
I don't know.
You just kept messing with me.

141
00:06:05,170 --> 00:06:07,810
It started to feel like back in the day
when you were always on me.

142
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:08,880
I don't know.

143
00:06:09,820 --> 00:06:11,850
Here's what's gonna happen, all right?

144
00:06:12,050 --> 00:06:14,120
- Your mom, she's gonna lose your mind.
- Well, yeah.

145
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,330
And she's gonna yell at me
for a minute and then she'll yell at you.

146
00:06:16,350 --> 00:06:17,660
And she'll send me home and my grandpa

147
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,800
probably won't even really understand
what's going on.

148
00:06:19,850 --> 00:06:22,290
And we'll both be in trouble
for a while and that's it.

149
00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:28,830
We should get rid of the evidence.
Is there like a pizza oven around here?

150
00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:30,630
Or one of those junkyard crusher things,

151
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:32,970
or I could tie it to a rock
and throw it in the river.

152
00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:42,800
That works.

153
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,150
[Door closes]

154
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:48,400
Both of you, sit.

155
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,210
In my store...

156
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:04,960
My place of work...

157
00:07:06,550 --> 00:07:07,920
Do you have no respect for me?

158
00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:10,490
Answer me.

159
00:07:10,690 --> 00:07:11,410
- Of course...
- Uh, yeah.

160
00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:12,680
Close your mouths.

161
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:16,930
Esther told me everything.

162
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:21,900
First of all,
I am so disappointed in you, Miguel.

163
00:07:22,940 --> 00:07:25,400
Stealing? Stealing?

164
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,970
How could you do that?
I mean, what were you thinking?

165
00:07:29,170 --> 00:07:32,470
What, why is that something
you would even consider?

166
00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:33,680
Answer me.

167
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,370
- Uh, I, I...
- Close your mouth.

168
00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:37,950
And you,

169
00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:42,110
you just stood by and let Miguel do this?

170
00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:46,340
Um, you know better than that, rafa.
You should have said something.

171
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,840
I just can't believe you would
do something so stupid, Miguel.

172
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,620
You coulda gotten into some real trouble.

173
00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,930
You coulda gotten rafa
into real trouble for no reason.

174
00:08:03,270 --> 00:08:05,150
Do you have anything to say for yourself?

175
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:11,530
No, ma'am.

176
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:13,700
Good.

177
00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:16,600
You sit here and think about this

178
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,040
while I figure out
what I'm gonna do with you.

179
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,750
That went pretty well, I thought.

180
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,710
Considering.

181
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,290
[Upbeat music playing]

182
00:08:36,490 --> 00:08:39,580
I mean, Esther must have only seen you
take the candy bar and not me.

183
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:40,780
I don't know.

184
00:08:40,910 --> 00:08:43,130
You gotta say something.
You didn't say anything.

185
00:08:43,330 --> 00:08:44,690
Well, to be fair, neither did you.

186
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:46,840
Yeah, 'cause I don't snitch
on my friends.

187
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,840
But we both did this.

188
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,110
You shoulda told her you stole something,
too, so we're both in trouble.

189
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:52,390
That's on you.

190
00:08:52,590 --> 00:08:54,930
I know. Sorry. It's my bad.

191
00:08:55,130 --> 00:08:58,280
It's, I just, I just panicked.
I'm new at crime.

192
00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:00,600
I'll tell her though.

193
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,160
Miguel, kitchen, now.

194
00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:06,630
Sorry, I lied. I'm never telling her.

195
00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:19,830
Miguel, I decided what you did
earned a spin of the punishment wheel.

196
00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:20,790
Like a game?

197
00:09:20,990 --> 00:09:24,810
Yeah, like a game,
where every prize is pain.

198
00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:29,250
As long as you don't get
"spreadsheet tutorial with uncle Ryan,"

199
00:09:29,410 --> 00:09:31,100
you'll be mostly okay.
That's the worst one.

200
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,350
But whatever you get, I'm gonna help.

201
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:35,640
That's okay, rafa.

202
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,120
I'm the one
who screwed up so I'll do this myself.

203
00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:45,540
Hot stone therapy?

204
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,790
That doesn't sound that bad.

205
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,840
Move these rocks to that side of the yard.

206
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,870
Oh, now I get why it's bad.

207
00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:56,120
Uh-hmm.

208
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,590
I'm gonna get my chair.
I'll be right back.

209
00:10:01,140 --> 00:10:03,500
Oh! Ah! They're hot!

210
00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:05,310
You were told they'd be hot.

211
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,140
What's up, primo? Cheese?

212
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:22,340
No.

213
00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:24,400
- How about we take a walk?
- Why?

214
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:27,060
I have errands to run
and I can use some company.

215
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:30,190
Grab your shoes
and see if you can find my shoes.

216
00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:34,860
I swear I took them off when I got here,
but I may not have been wearing any.

217
00:10:35,060 --> 00:10:36,590
You have some shoes I can borrow?

218
00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:38,380
What size do you wear?

219
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:39,870
Uh-hmm.

220
00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:41,220
You don't know?

221
00:10:42,890 --> 00:10:45,460
First of all, thank you
for trusting me with your family security

222
00:10:45,660 --> 00:10:48,460
and tacitly acknowledging
that I am an adult with things to offer.

223
00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:52,380
As the senior account professional
currently scheduled to work today,

224
00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:55,430
you made the right decision
when it comes to your financial future.

225
00:10:55,630 --> 00:10:57,430
- This was a mistake.
- Okay. No, hold on.

226
00:10:57,630 --> 00:10:59,010
Hold on. Sit down.

227
00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:01,810
Okay.
Um, why'd you bring all your coats?

228
00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:04,690
You told me to bring my money.
My money's in the coats.

229
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,770
Before we start,
all financial institutions

230
00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:10,480
are money grubbing pirates
that bank Rob with fees and fraud.

231
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:11,690
Got it.

232
00:11:11,890 --> 00:11:14,990
That being said,
I want an account for each coat category.

233
00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:16,490
Okay.

234
00:11:16,690 --> 00:11:18,490
Fill out this form for checking.

235
00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:20,870
Um, how much will you be depositing?

236
00:11:21,070 --> 00:11:24,330
There should be $1,847
in paper cash in the right pocket

237
00:11:24,530 --> 00:11:26,260
and ten dollars in coins
in the left pocket.

238
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:29,020
Okay.

239
00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:35,170
Something interesting over here?
Eyes on your own money.

240
00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:38,740
Okay. Sorry, Janice. Lunatic.

241
00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:44,560
Okay. You should, uh,
also open a savings account,

242
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,150
a 529 plan for the girls
and maybe buy some munis.

243
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:50,810
- Munis?
- Yeah, it means municipal bonds.

244
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,070
No lingo.
Anything with bank lingo I'm not doing.

245
00:11:54,270 --> 00:11:56,820
Don't try to swindle me
with your half words.

246
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,450
Okay. Why don't you just be
real mad over there

247
00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:01,470
and let me just figure all this out?

248
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:08,670
I'm taking this as collateral.
And keep Janice away from my coats.

249
00:12:08,870 --> 00:12:10,330
- She's got rat eyes.
- Okay.

250
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:14,510
Again, sorry, Janice.
I, I think it's your glasses.

251
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,230
But you, you should get Lasik.

252
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,240
Do you know
how the punishment wheel was invented?

253
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,970
Years ago, rollie threw firecrackers
at what turned out

254
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:29,310
to be a first communion or something.

255
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:31,730
So father Montoya tried to punish him

256
00:12:31,930 --> 00:12:33,770
by making him weed
the garden of the church

257
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,940
and, of course, rollie got bored and he...

258
00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:40,490
He started smashing jesuses and cactuses.

259
00:12:40,690 --> 00:12:41,700
So you know what I said?

260
00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:45,430
I said I'm gonna do what the church can't,
boom, punishment wheel.

261
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,210
[Breaths heavily]

262
00:12:49,410 --> 00:12:50,210
Done.

263
00:12:50,410 --> 00:12:51,480
Good job.

264
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:57,300
You know what?
Now that I'm looking at it,

265
00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,970
I actually think these rocks
should be moved to the backyard.

266
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,300
But you just said...

267
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,540
Forget what I said before.

268
00:13:03,570 --> 00:13:04,700
Get to work.

269
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,450
Here we go, first stop.

270
00:13:09,450 --> 00:13:10,450
Whose house is this?

271
00:13:10,550 --> 00:13:11,660
I don't know.

272
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:15,330
But I saw this plant on my walk
every day and it needed to be cared for,

273
00:13:15,350 --> 00:13:17,150
so I started watering it.

274
00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:19,540
Cool. Are we done? Can we go home now?

275
00:13:21,420 --> 00:13:24,670
I keep this here
so the sprinklers fill it at night.

276
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:38,760
Oh, okay. I get it.

277
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,020
This is a metaphor.
That's what you're doing?

278
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:45,320
So, am I the plant?
Am I the water?

279
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,600
Am I the can?

280
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,080
Just an errand.

281
00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:53,370
Check the trash can,
see if there's any food.

282
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,690
There's half a bag of moldy bread.

283
00:14:00,890 --> 00:14:02,570
Perfect. Grab it.

284
00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:03,920
You grab it.

285
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:13,390
Every time I hang out with this guy,
you gotta dig through a trash can.

286
00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:21,260
Almost done.

287
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:24,860
Uh, just sign this
for the 529 college fund, and we're good.

288
00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:29,640
Feels weird knowing there's no money
in all those coats.

289
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,640
And I'd say it's weird
that there was money in any of them ever.

290
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,850
All right. You're all set.

291
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,960
Welcome to adulthood,
my 40-year-old brother.

292
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:39,820
Let me see my money one more time.

293
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:43,610
Okay. There you go.

294
00:14:43,810 --> 00:14:47,660
No. The actual money I gave you.
The actual cash. Where is it?

295
00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:50,790
It's in here, you weirdo.
It's in the bank.

296
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,330
I don't like this.

297
00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:54,920
I like holding it.
I like physically knowing where it is.

298
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:56,710
It's... Jesus, man.

299
00:14:56,910 --> 00:14:59,460
The vault is in the back.
That's where they keep the cash.

300
00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:00,880
Vaults get robbed.

301
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,510
Yeah. And so do closets.

302
00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:05,630
Yeah. And you got robbed earlier today
by your nine-year-old daughter.

303
00:15:05,830 --> 00:15:10,810
So, anytime I want, I can go to the atm
and get cash out to pay my crew, right?

304
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,680
Yes. As long as you don't need
more than $800 per day.

305
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,310
That's the atm limit.

306
00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:18,610
I definitely need more than that.
Lots of my guys gotta get paid in cash.

307
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:21,830
I can't be coming here five days in a row
in order to get enough out to pay them.

308
00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:24,530
Okay. No problem.
We'll set you up with direct deposit.

309
00:15:24,730 --> 00:15:26,570
This is exactly what I was afraid of.

310
00:15:26,770 --> 00:15:28,780
I don't know
how I let you talk me into this.

311
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:32,120
I didn't talk you into anything.
Stop acting like I'm trying to hustle you.

312
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,500
No.

313
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,750
Close all these accounts
and give me my money back.

314
00:15:35,950 --> 00:15:38,290
Put the money back
in those coats, exactly how it was,

315
00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:41,060
including the $10 in coins
that I had in the left pocket.

316
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,340
I'll be in the parking lot.

317
00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:47,880
The rule is "one per customer."

318
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,450
And you're not even a customer!
[Sighs]

319
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:55,370
What, Janice? What?

320
00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:58,500
Rat eyes.

321
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:03,290
Now, Mike, he needed some discipline.

322
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:09,700
He sold my TV to get some extra money
to buy what he swore were dinosaur eggs.

323
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,280
This was right after <i>Jurassic world</i>
Came out.

324
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,500
Truth be told, I, I kind of thought
they were dinosaur eggs, too.

325
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:17,600
Turns out, they were just smooth rocks.

326
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:21,310
So, that's how
this particular punishment was born.

327
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,380
[Exhales] There.

328
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:28,070
Done. Again.

329
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,930
You know what? I hate it.

330
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:37,350
I think I was right the first time.
Move these back to the front yard.

331
00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:40,020
No. Nah. I'm not doing it.

332
00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:41,900
- I'm done.
- Excuse me?

333
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,730
I've been moving these rocks all day.

334
00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:47,320
Yeah.
Because that's your punishment.

335
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:48,990
Because you stole something

336
00:16:49,190 --> 00:16:51,380
and we don't do that
in this house, Miguel.

337
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:58,180
Now, pick up these rocks
and move them back to the front yard.

338
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,230
[Exhales]

339
00:17:13,070 --> 00:17:14,140
Thank you.

340
00:17:14,340 --> 00:17:16,610
I'll be in the house.
Come see me when you're done.

341
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:24,770
[Chicken cackles]

342
00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:26,570
Do you know who owns these chickens?

343
00:17:26,770 --> 00:17:28,240
No.

344
00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:31,240
It's a good feeling,
isn't it, feeding them?

345
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,820
You and this chicken are connected now.

346
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,450
I don't wanna be connected to a chicken.

347
00:17:36,650 --> 00:17:38,700
What's the matter, primo?

348
00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:41,930
Your hands are empty,
but you seem to be carrying a lot.

349
00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:45,690
It just sucks that Miguel's in trouble.

350
00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:48,550
- That's his thing, though, right?
- Yeah.

351
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:50,570
Or... no.

352
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,470
I don't know.

353
00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:56,680
Technically, I was with him.

354
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,070
Hmm.

355
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,540
Well, don't be so hard on yourself.
There's nothing you can do about it now.

356
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:04,900
Bread?

357
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,920
No. It's moldy.

358
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:10,400
Mold is just organic penicillin.

359
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,450
Uncle mondo, mold and penicillin
are not the same thing.

360
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:16,740
Well, I've eaten a lot of mold
and I've never had an infection.

361
00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:17,940
You absolutely have.

362
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:19,790
Hmm.

363
00:18:19,990 --> 00:18:24,580
You know what? I'm done.
I just wanna go home, play video games.

364
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:25,890
Okay.

365
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,220
Okay. I get it.

366
00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:35,340
You want me to go home
and play video games

367
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:38,070
'cause you know
I usually play video games with Miguel.

368
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,140
I just figured out your whole plan, man.

369
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:42,640
- My plan?
- Yeah.

370
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,020
For you to do the thing
you said you wanted to do?

371
00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:47,520
Oh. And you'd love that, wouldn't you?

372
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,690
Of course, I'd love it if you were happy.

373
00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:52,900
You're sick, you know that?
I should've seen this coming.

374
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:58,200
Typical uncle mondo just trying to make
sure everyone's happy and full of love.

375
00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,660
You know what?

376
00:18:59,860 --> 00:19:03,960
It is not my fault that Miguel
stole that candy bar from the store, okay?

377
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,920
I didn't make him do it.
I mean, I'm not perfect.

378
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:11,340
I've done things that are wrong.
Yeah. And some of those things

379
00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:14,220
were immediately before the things
that he did.

380
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,180
But maybe I wanna feel bad
about those things.

381
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:19,530
Maybe that's my "journey."

382
00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:25,600
Get away from me, chicken!
I'm not your friend!

383
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,060
No! No!

384
00:19:27,260 --> 00:19:28,540
[Chicken cackles]

385
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:33,080
[Upbeat music playing]

386
00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:41,870
- I know what you're gonna say.
- Do you have any fritos?

387
00:19:42,070 --> 00:19:44,960
Oh. I guess I didn't know
what you were gonna say.

388
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:46,150
It's all right.

389
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,170
I know you're going
through something heavy,

390
00:19:48,370 --> 00:19:49,680
but also, I want some fritos.

391
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:53,770
I did something crappy to Miguel.

392
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:58,280
I screwed up and you figured it out.

393
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:01,890
How'd you know?

394
00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:04,560
I didn't know.
But it was pretty obvious

395
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,850
you had 500 pounds of pain
sitting on your chest.

396
00:20:08,050 --> 00:20:12,110
All I did was show you a few acts
of caring and love, and attention,

397
00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:15,290
and figured that would help you
confront whatever was causing you pain.

398
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:18,360
So, how do I fix it?

399
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,530
Well, the longer you take to apologize,
the harder it gets,

400
00:20:21,730 --> 00:20:26,410
so let's get off this wall, head home,
make a quick stop for fritos and then...

401
00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:27,610
I don't have any money.

402
00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:30,350
Let's get off this wall,
head home, and you can make it right.

403
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:38,110
I also feel bad
about yelling at that chicken.

404
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:42,470
What took you so long?
I ate like half those lollipops.

405
00:20:42,670 --> 00:20:46,120
Janice had to refill the jar.
Thanks, Janice.

406
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,140
We got to know each other.

407
00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:52,230
Turns out she's a lovely person
and she doesn't care for you at all.

408
00:20:52,430 --> 00:20:55,070
Yeah. Well,
all the money's back in the coats.

409
00:20:55,270 --> 00:20:57,870
You can take them home and reestablish
the burlington cash factory,

410
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:58,990
if that's what you want.

411
00:20:59,190 --> 00:21:00,710
- It is.
- Nope. Wait.

412
00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:05,040
I get that your job
is to run your business,

413
00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:06,830
and pay your workers on time.

414
00:21:07,030 --> 00:21:10,920
But my job is to keep
people's money safe, and I'm good at it.

415
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,600
I know what I'm doing here, Jay.

416
00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:17,010
Fine. Maybe there's a compromise.

417
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,440
There is. And I already found it.

418
00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:22,610
I swear to god, Janice.

419
00:21:26,490 --> 00:21:29,940
Safety deposit box.
You can come in during bank hours

420
00:21:30,130 --> 00:21:32,020
and take out as much as you want,
no limit.

421
00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:36,360
It's actual regular cash.
And only you have access, so it's safe.

422
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,290
But I did leave
the money in the girls' college fund.

423
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:41,460
That work for you?

424
00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:47,430
You did good.

425
00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:54,460
One question, what if,
and I know this is highly unlikely...

426
00:21:54,660 --> 00:21:56,590
<i>Ocean's eleven </i>Cannot happen here.

427
00:21:56,790 --> 00:21:58,630
Okay. But what if...

428
00:21:58,830 --> 00:22:00,090
Neither can <i>The town.</i>

429
00:22:00,290 --> 00:22:02,340
good. But...

430
00:22:02,540 --> 00:22:04,760
Jay, no movie-style bank heists
is going to happen

431
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,900
in this regional San Antonio bank branch.

432
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,160
[Clears throat] I'm done.

433
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,710
And I'm sorry for everything.

434
00:22:21,750 --> 00:22:26,490
And I just wanted to say
thank you for all the meals,

435
00:22:26,690 --> 00:22:29,090
and for letting me sleepover
all those times.

436
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:32,460
Why are you talking
like you're never gonna see me again?

437
00:22:32,490 --> 00:22:34,870
I don't know, 'cause I'm not, right?

438
00:22:35,070 --> 00:22:36,960
It's what you said.
Since I stole that thing.

439
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:38,270
That's what you said.

440
00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:41,190
[Sighs]

441
00:22:45,940 --> 00:22:50,270
Miguel, when I said,
"we don't do that in this house,"

442
00:22:50,460 --> 00:22:51,990
you're included in the "we."

443
00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:55,540
Do you remember when you and I first met?

444
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,190
You and rafa were in the sixth grade.

445
00:22:59,390 --> 00:23:03,280
I never had the mom of the kid
I was bullying come to my house before.

446
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,120
I thought you were gonna be so mad at me.

447
00:23:05,310 --> 00:23:06,310
I was.

448
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,540
But then you said
all those nice things about me

449
00:23:10,730 --> 00:23:14,160
to my grandparents,
and, and invited me over for, for dinner.

450
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:15,670
That's right.

451
00:23:15,870 --> 00:23:19,730
That invitation is still open, Miguel.
Always will be.

452
00:23:21,190 --> 00:23:23,550
I am furious at you

453
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:25,820
and that's why you spun
the punishment wheel.

454
00:23:27,070 --> 00:23:28,950
But that doesn't change the other things.

455
00:23:30,780 --> 00:23:32,280
Do you understand what I'm saying?

456
00:23:33,870 --> 00:23:36,390
Yeah. I think so.

457
00:23:36,590 --> 00:23:37,590
Good.

458
00:23:38,580 --> 00:23:40,690
Don't steal again.

459
00:23:40,890 --> 00:23:42,250
Yes, ma'am.

460
00:23:54,010 --> 00:23:55,470
That was my water.

461
00:23:57,060 --> 00:23:58,100
Oh, my god.

462
00:24:00,890 --> 00:24:02,020
[Door opens]

463
00:24:05,860 --> 00:24:06,980
Hey.

464
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,180
Uh, are you done moving those rocks?

465
00:24:10,380 --> 00:24:14,820
Yeah. Yeah. I was, uh,
I was just talking to your mom.

466
00:24:16,370 --> 00:24:17,770
She's cool.

467
00:24:17,970 --> 00:24:18,970
Yeah.

468
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,790
Hey. So, I'm sorry about earlier.

469
00:24:25,330 --> 00:24:26,500
I didn't have your back.

470
00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:30,840
Yeah, that sucked.

471
00:24:32,130 --> 00:24:33,260
But I get it.

472
00:24:35,180 --> 00:24:37,580
I'm, I'm sorry
that I was messing with you.

473
00:24:37,780 --> 00:24:40,060
No. No, man. Don't worry about it.

474
00:24:41,810 --> 00:24:44,050
Me, i'm, I'm sorry
that I was late to hang out earlier.

475
00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:48,690
Yeah, yeah. No.
The college thing is important.

476
00:24:50,190 --> 00:24:53,510
Damn, we got a lot of stuff
to apologize for today.

477
00:24:53,710 --> 00:24:55,070
Yeah.

478
00:24:55,780 --> 00:25:00,450
Hey. So, are you doing anything now?
You wanna hang out?

479
00:25:03,830 --> 00:25:05,000
What do you wanna do?

480
00:25:13,970 --> 00:25:14,970
Yes.

481
00:25:18,050 --> 00:25:20,210
You're right.
The extra board makes it more secure.

482
00:25:20,410 --> 00:25:22,570
Yeah. We're definitely gonna crash
and get hurt though.

483
00:25:22,700 --> 00:25:24,210
No doubt. Let's do it.

484
00:25:24,410 --> 00:25:25,460
Yeah.

485
00:25:25,660 --> 00:25:26,770
Okay.

486
00:25:31,190 --> 00:25:33,010
[Whooping]

487
00:25:33,210 --> 00:25:37,200
Oh, my god, we're going
like 90 miles an hour right now, dude.

488
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,460
Oh, raspberries.

489
00:25:57,220 --> 00:25:59,010
{\an8}[Theme music playing]

490
00:25:59,060 --> 00:26:03,610
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0


